Building a God-Honoring Marriage

Pastor Bob Anderson - Family Life Pastor With Kurt Bruner, The Center for Strong Families

No one plans to become a broken family or a miserable couple. We marry because we yearn for a life-long, thriving relationship. So, how can believers become intentional about building a God-honoring marriage?

Priority One

Discover God's Design for Marriage

We must understand that every marriage is intended to be a masterpiece reflecting THE marriage between God and His people. Marriage is the most frequent metaphor used in the Bible to describe God's relationship with His people. In fact, writing to the Ephesians, Paul called marriage a "profound mystery" because it is a picture of "Christ and the church."

Priority Two

Commit to a Covenant Marriage

Today's civil marriages are much like business contracts - easy to get into and easy to get out of. God's covenant with His people was a promise to remain eternally faithful even if His people weren't faithful in return. In covenant marriage, both spouses are committed for a lifetime - in sickness and health, for better or worse. They don't threaten divorce or consider it as an option.

Priority Three

Purse a Passionate Marriage

Couples aren't supposed to just stick it out and find a way to make their marriages survive. God calls us to pursue a passionate, thriving marriage. The Song of Solomon expresses the kind of love, joy and celebration God designed for marriage. That passion is built on much more than infatuation and sexual desire. It is rooted in the physical, emotional and spiritual intimacy God created couples to experience as a foretaste of the eternal unity, communion and intimacy we can have with God.

Priority Four

Become Heroic in Marriage

Christ made the ultimate sacrifice to rescue humanity. Writing to the Ephesians, Paul connected Christ's sacrifice directly to marriage: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25) and "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands" (Ephesians 5:24). In other words, mutual submission to one another requires giving up our own interests to heroically serve the other person.

Priority Five

Fight for Your Marriage

Every couple will mess up. Too often, however, they also choose to give up. Throughout scripture, God fights for His relationship with His people, remaining faithful in the face of unfaithfulness. He forgives again and again. No couple can avoid strife and arguments, but we can avoid giving the "devil a foothold" in our marriages by keeping short accounts and quickly restoring the relationship regardless of what happens.

Going Further

Recommended Reading

The Marriage Masterpiece (by Al Janssen) unveils the beauty of God’s design for every marriage.

Building Your Mate’s Self-Esteem (by Dennis and Barbara Rainey) shows why one of the most vital ingredients in a marriage today is to build one another's self-esteem.

Love & Respect (by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs) discusses a powerful biblical model for each spouse understanding and meeting the other’s most deeply felt need.

Marriage on the Rock (by Jimmy Evans) clearly details God's principles that will strengthen good marriages and turn disillusioned, divorce-bound marriages into satisfying, dream relationships.

Fall In Love, Stay In Love (by Willard Harley Jr.) explains why and how to stay in love by protecting each other and the love they've created.

Fit To Be Tied (by Bill and Lynne Hybels) offers creative ways to "court" your spouse and a guide to resolving conflicts instead of driving them underground.

The Five Love Languages (by Gary Chapman) describes how to discover and serve your spouse’s unique love language.

A Celebration of Sex (by Dr. Douglas Rosenau) is a guide to enjoying God’s gift of sexual intimacy.

Simply Romantic Nights Kit (from Family Life Ministries) Discover intimacy in a new light using a series of his/her date night ideas.

Recommended Websites

Both and provide online collections of marriage articles, resources, assessments and referrals representing the best of Christian marriage support.

Church Support

Do Marriage God's Way at RE|NEW

Check out the many Small Groups that Covenant offers.

Check out the calendar marriage and family events offered by Covenant Church or email to find out about the next event.

Attend an equipping class on marriage offered throughout the year.